INTERIOR, LONDON REAL ALE PUB, DAY.
An innocent looking PUNTER approaches the bar and peers over at the fridges where the bottled beers are stored. After a few moments a bearded semi-goth BARMAN (resembling Dawn of the Dead make-up artist and actor TOM SAVINI) approaches. Throughout the following, he does not blink.
Are you waiting?
Ah, yes. Erm… a couple of weeks ago I came in and you had Weihenstephan Old Bavarian or Old Munich or…
An un-Earthly gleam comes into the BARMAN’s eye. He interrupts.
BARMAN (gleeful but blunt)
Ah! Now, I think you’ll find you’re confusing two completely different beers, namely the Erdinger Dunkelweiss and the Augustiner Edelstoff. We’ve never had the Weihenstephaner dunkel weiss.
Well, I’m not sure I am confused. It was definitely by Weihenstephan. It had a sort of brownish red label. And it was a dark lager, rather than a dark wheat beer…
There is no such beer! We’re out of all of our dunkel weisses, including the Weheinstephaner.
There is an awkward silence. The BARMAN switches into lecture mode.
Perhaps you’d like something called Rrrrraushbier? It’s smoky tasting because the producers use…
It’s fine, thanks. I think I’ll go.
The bewildered PUNTER leaves shaking his head.
The moral of this story? Try not to use the phrase “I think you’ll find…” at the start of a sentence. Exactly like the words “I’m not racist but…”, it will mark you out as a buffoon.