Newsletter Competition Winner

BeeryShortreads (hashtag and pint of ale)

In our most recent email newsletter (sign up here) we challenged people to produce a 100-word bit of writing about beer or pubs under the banner #BeeryShortreads, as the antidote to #BeeryLongreads which is now only a few weeks away.

Here are all the entries we received, with the win­ner of a paper copy of Gam­bri­nus Waltz and a set of badges named at the bot­tom.

Gambrinus Waltz and badges.

Study­ing for the Beer Som­me­li­er exam turns beer into home­work. You drink the style you need to study rather than the one you feel like drink­ing. You taste four beers side by side in the mid­dle of the day because that’s the only time you have free. But it’s the mid­dle of the day, so you taste just enough and pour the rest away. It can be lone­ly, sat there obsess­ing over tiny vari­a­tions in flavour. Drink­ing in a way most peo­ple would­n’t con­sid­er. Nerd­ing out over off flavours and food pair­ings. I love it though. This feels like me.

Antho­ny Glad­man | @agladman | blog

Remem­ber when you could get a pint for less than three quid? Remem­ber when pubs used to smell inter­est­ing? Remem­ber when you could order a drink with­out being stuck behind peo­ple wait­ing for Gin cock­tails? Remem­ber when every­where shut at 11pm? Remem­ber when pubs closed in the after­noons? Remem­ber when this place was heav­ing every lunchtime? Remem­ber when I could drink six pints with­out need­ing a piss? Remem­ber when she used to be in here with me every night? Remem­ber when the police were called? Remem­ber when this place got shut down?


Just me then?

I’ll have a lucky dip for tonight too….and some green Rizla.

Ta mate.

Gareth | @barrelagedleeds | also on his own blog

Do you realise it’s real­ly sour?’ asks the bar­man at ‘t Brugs Beert­je. It is 2011. I’ve ordered my first ever sour beer – 3 Fonteinen Oude Geuze. I have been in Bruges for a whole day and now I am ready. I have read about cham­pagne flavours, tart­ness, beer-that-isn’t- like-beer. ‘Oh yes’ I say, con­fi­dent­ly. I take a sip. My tongue shrinks, I wor­ry my teeth might dis­solve. It takes me an hour to fin­ish it and I feel a lit­tle trau­ma­tised. Yet days, weeks lat­er, I think about it. One sti­fling­ly hot summer’s day I realise a cold, sour, cheek-puck­er­ing beer is the only answer, and I am right.

Lor­raine Bland

Pi Bar Altrin­cham. Or a Bar called Pi? Untap­pd seems to think so. By design or chance you can see right down the road. Big win­dows. Like a mov­ing small town paint­ing. Looks bet­ter when it’s rain­ing. Gives it a water­colour sheen. Noisy. Espe­cial­ly THAT laugh. Dogs wel­come, as are chil­dren. Staff who stick around. Chat­ty. The Boss always lets on, knows your name. Beer art­work. Bod­ding­tons. Fan­cy Amer­i­can brew­ery. Bel­gian. All bases cov­ered. Ear­ly drink after buy­ing the veg from the mar­ket. The old cou­ple are in. As they leave, ‘See you next week!’ Him: ‘I hope so’.

Mark Bai­ley (no rela­tion)

100 words is a chal­leng­ing lim­it,
To write a blog post with some­thing inter­est­ing in it.
Care­ful­ly select­ing a sub­ject to cov­er,
some­thing to appeal to the UK beer lover.
What can I talk about? I know, revi­tal­i­sa­tion,
It’s the lat­est buzz word issue, divid­ing the nation.
Only its a bit too intense to fit into some prose,
And my thoughts on the sub­ject I think every­one knows.
I could talk about a crack­ing West Coast IPA,
But every­one does that, every day.
I need some­thing con­tro­ver­sial, make every­one shout,
I can write loads of words, except, wait, I’ve run out..

Myles Lam­bert | @myleslambert | blog

Grow­ing Dilem­ma

Pour smooth­ly and in one motion.”

I’d love to, but your can has out­grown my glass!

Why increase in size from schooners to size/strength com­bi­na­tions rarely avail­able even in spe­cial­ist bars?

Whether deli­cious or ter­ri­ble I’d pre­fer small­er sizes when unable to share. Small­er mean more dif­fer­ent beers can be tried. Small­er mean Few­er should miss out.

Is it even sen­si­ble to rou­tine­ly sell Dou­bles, Triples and Impe­ri­als in 440 mil­li­l­itres and larg­er?

I think not; but still I buy.

Time to choose between mul­ti­ple glass­es, a murky top-up or pour­ing some away.

<Grabs anoth­er schooner>

Rob Shaw


What’s great about Orwell’s fan­ta­sy booz­er?

The straw­ber­ry pint pots – bar ser­vice – min­i­mal­ist menu?  Love­ly… but isn’t it quaint to the point of twee?

The scari­est thing: George Orwell’s there. What does one say to the man? “Loved Ani­mal Farm, but 1984 was a bit heavy…” – “tell us about the wars”? “Y’like Cor­byn then”? I’d want to hear the man speak… but my banal­i­ty would ruin the ambi­ence for us both.

I’d find the pres­ence of the lit­er­ary giant intim­i­dat­ing. Orwell would spoil The Moon Under Water. I’d be hap­pi­er, mis­er­ably, at Wether­spoons…

Tim Kingston

* * *

We’re real­ly grate­ful to every­one for tak­ing part (imag­ine throw­ing a par­ty and nobody comes) but our favourite was by…

[annoy­ing pause]

[annoy­ing pause]

[annoy­ing pause]

[seri­ous­ly, one pause too many]

[oh, for f–]

Mark Bai­ley.

Well done, Mark!