Pub Life: Never Too Old

Illustration: Two brothers in the pub.

Two men, brothers perhaps, both at least 60-years-old, approach the craft beer bar hesitantly.

This is it.”

He said it was good, did he?”

Yeah, he’s in here all the time with his uni­ver­si­ty mates. Hold up, before we go in, look, there’s a beer menu.”

A beer menu?”

He picks up the binder and turns it in his hands, bewil­dered, as if the very form is alien to him. He opens it and begins to scan the pages with a fin­ger­tip.

These are all beers, are they? Pas­sion fruit… Cher­ry…  They can’t be beers.”

Give us a look. Yeah, look, it says here: fruit beers.”

They’ve actu­al­ly got fruit in them? Bloody hell. I don’t… What’s this… Two-thirds? Is that two-thirds of a litre or what?”

I don’t know, mate. I don’t… I’ll just go in and get some­thing. I’ll work it out.”

Just get me what­ev­er, I don’t mind, whatever’s eas­i­est.”

When the for­ager returns it is with two half-pint stem glass­es, one full of red beer, the oth­er pink.

I just got two small ones to start with. Er… I might have made a huge tac­ti­cal error.”

How d’you mean?”

They’re both sour beers. she says.”

What, delib­er­ate­ly?”

I think so.”

They both sip.

Huh.”

I wasn’t expect­ing…”

No, I didn’t think…”

It’s clever, innit? The way they… How it…”

It’s like the sour­ness makes it taste more fruity.”

And it’s sort of… bal­anced out, is it? If you know what I mean. By the sweet­ness.”

Huh.”

Huh.”

They just bare­ly clink their glass­es in a qui­et dis­play of tri­umph before con­ver­sa­tion turns to foot­ball.

One thought on “Pub Life: Never Too Old”

  1. Haha, very good. How­ev­er in my expe­ri­ence it ends with “What’s this shite? Eugh­hh, it’s get­ting worse. Bin this and see if they’ve got Pride on or lets fuck off to the Spoons.”

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