Dear Restaurateurs

We real­ly enjoyed eat­ing at your restau­rant. We couldn’t fault the food, ser­vice or ambi­ence. You have obvi­ous­ly put a lot of thought and care into every detail.

Oh, except the beer selec­tion, obvi­ous­ly.

One of the beers you sell is undrink­ably bad, despite the cute local­ly-themed label; anoth­er is pas­teurised, fil­tered, pack­aged in clear bot­tles and stored in direct sun­light, and has thus also been ren­dered undrink­able; the rest of the list is made up of ‘inter­na­tion­al lagers’ brewed in Wales and Eng­land under license. You are sell­ing bad, spoiled and fake beer.

You might not be at all inter­est­ed in beer and that would be fine if you weren’t sell­ing it. As it is, the care­less way you go about it sug­gests a lack of taste and atten­tion to detail.

You wouldn’t spend all that time, mon­ey and effort on the restau­rant only to play noth­ing but Jive Bunny’s great­est hits on a loop over the stereo; or lay the tables with plas­tic cut­lery; or dec­o­rate the walls with pic­tures cut from FHM.

What we’re say­ing is, your crap­py beer list is not OK. It is a jar­ring note. It makes us won­der if you’ve also been care­less in areas we know less about such as your wine selec­tion or even the cook­ing.

Sort it out.

Love,

Boak & Bai­ley

PS. You could hire a mem­ber of the British Guild of Beer Writ­ers to advise you, or read one of these books, or go on one of these cours­es.